Missed Classic 4: The Scoop - Introduction (1989)

Written by Kenny McCormick

You need 512kb of memory?! My Gods! That’s… 1/12th of the power I need for an antivirus software! Talk about inflation!

I mean, really. Missing this game is like eating everything but the chocolate parts of a Neapolitan flavored ice cream. Seriously, Trix? You have something against chocolate? Is this an Aussie thing or can I pack a couple less bars of Toblerone if I ever visit Down-Under? Wait, what was I saying again? Oh right, The Scoop… of Chocolate Ice Cream? No, wait. Let’s do this all over again.

The Scoop was published by Spinnaker Software Corporation and developed by the same company who brought you the goddamn 1st game in this blog; which is Below The Root back in 1989. That’s like… I dunno… had this game got tipsy and had slotted its floppy disk into some skanky drive; it would have a college graduate playing computers the whole day in its basement by now. Sick, yes, I know. I ain’t Trickster. Go read something politically correct and hug some puppies (or kittens if you’re not a dog person) afterwards if my writing makes you cry, okay?

So, back to why I’m lauding it as a classic must-play for the avant-garde adventurers and I have to refrain myself from making it into a list to avoid looking like David Letterman, not that I need to do that, with me being so dashingly bodice-ripper-novel-cover-worthy handsome and even when there’s a lackluster review for it. Just ONE?! Here are the accolades.

For one, it’s based on the story written by a group (not just ONE) of six mystery writers; including the insatiable Agatha Christie. The story itself was good enough to be adapted as a radio play back when there was neither Internet nor frickin’ TV.

You know you’re the insatiable one when you’re the only one named in the group.

“Oh, that’s not gonna make me bite and try this game like I’m your beeyotch, beeyotch.”, I hear you say. Well, let me tell you something, you little disrespectful punk! Get off my lawn and get this. It has adorable graphics. Sure, it’s 1989 and you are exposed to nifty adult adventure games in full EGA glory, but come on. We all know you are a nice innocent kid who prefers to play make-believe with your lightsaber than… well… playing with your lightsaber. I mean, just look at the opening screen!

Don’t you just want to reach out to pull those sweet caricatures out from the screen and cuddle them till they stifle in your man-boobs? No? What kind of monster are you?!

So, the sad thing about this game was that, shortly after adapting this game to DOS, the developers (Telarium) went under the water, thus, not being able to market this game to its full potential that might have saved them. It was an extremely commendable effort though, earning a posthumous Top Dog on Home Of The Underdog.

The gameplay was written by Jonathan Merritt who also wrote for Below The Root but was responsible for a couple of terrible Legend Of Zelda games which I refuse to link and that we shall never speak of. Ever. Anyway, he usually teams up with Dale Disharoon, Incorporated to handle the programming of various, including The Scoop, games. Lego Batman? Yeah, him totally. A book about Jesus? Him too.

So, without further ado, uninstalling Skyrim. See ya, stupid bug-ridden piece of trash that I bought at 80% sale on Steam.

Admin's note: The first seven posts of Kenny McCormick's foray into the missed classic of 'The Scoop' will be played in a marathon (one per day) between 29th December 2014 and 4th January 2015. So get your bets and final score guesses in quickly before our Holiday 'The Scoop' Marathon begins!